William, 24

“My grandmother is often confused,” William told us via Skype from his year off in Goa. “Dad says she just has opinions, but her generation are infamously selfish.” Concerned by the UK’s impending decision to leave the EU, William cut short a scuba diving lesson to call home and plead with his grandparents. 

“Fuck yeah I shouted at them,” he said. “To be honest, it wasn’t nice calling them racist while showing them a detailed graph outlining their life expectancy against mine, but a vote is a vote.”

Christian, 29

Christian never expected his Kickstarter to gather so much interest so soon. He hopes his app, Tell Me When To Vote, which alerts everyone under 35 when an election is being held within a half-mile radius on sunny, but non-summer Sunday afternoons only, will end the scourge of poor turnout among young people. “If Brexit taught us anything,” he notes, “it’s that elections should not be held in secret.”

Sara, 22

Over the next year, YouTube blogger Sara plans to tour the length and breadth of east London to interview anyone who has ever met a Sheffield factory worker to prove we were all lied to.

“Basically it’s the people in the north of England who have ruined this for the rest of us. It’s like we’re in some topsy turvy version of Game of Thrones where London is Kings Landing and people from Oldham are the Starks, except instead of saving everyone the Starks are just being selfish dicks. 

“I’m glad they chopped Sean Bean’s head off.”

Toby, 27

Toby doesn’t give a shit about access to the single market, as long as he can still go for brunch in Borough Market on a weekend.

“I voted leave because my father works in the City and he said everything will be fine economically once the Remoaners and the left-wing media accept they’ve been beaten.”

Toby’s father has been spending a lot of time at the office lately. 

Michaela, 25

Michaela agrees with Liz Truss that. it. is. a. disgrace. that we import two thirds of our cheese, but as Michaela says, “Roquefort is just so damn delicious. Is it my fault the French are just fantastic at making fromage?

“And English sparkling wine is alright, but it’s no champagne is it? It’s not even as good as most prosecco.”

Alan, 27

Alan tells people he’s an entrepreneur, but he actually been in the grad scheme at Deloitte for six years.

“Basically you’ve got so see Brexit as an opportunity, right? Who cares if our generation will never own homes? What’s a home except a big pile of bricks? That’s why I’ve put all the money I’d initially saved for a deposit into Bitcoin and moved back in with my parents. After all, they voted for Brexit, so this is mainly their fault.”

Watch out for the Millennials in our next issue when they'll (probably, but hopefully not) be weighing in on the first 100 days of President Trump's first term in office.